My Friend-Umhlobo wam

Each person that I meet in my life play a role. Showing respect or just by willingness to speak with me is a great impression that when someone sees me recognises that I m a human being and indeed with dignity, not just any other living thing. A little bit of a smile from many is just an excitement and pleasure.

I have a privilege of being born into a very poor family of many, a privilege of growing up from different types of family settings and privilege of being raised by grandmother who had more than Eight children whom she identified as her own children. Although my parents were married, I knew my mother as my sister and my father as a stranger because of migrant labour.

I used to smile when preparing breakfast at home, accompany them when they go to the river to fetch water and play by a ball between houses and sometimes by the kraal in winter. I am the fifth in order of birth. We would only stay together in the absent of parents when my mother is around in the elalini, ezifihlweni, ecaweni nakwiimanyano zenkonzo because one of us would attend to the cattle and livestock (ekoluseni). Because all young boys had the mandate to look after the ‘animals’ imfuyo, those who are bit older would have other responsibilities and unfortunately my mother did not have a girl child who would look after children when she is attending the public gatherings so my older brothers would stay at home to cook and look after us-the children.

This experience is deferent from any local peers but believe me I am proud of it now. I knew when My brothers would like to go outside the yard and play with their peers but they prioritised us, they listened to my mother. She was at the time, working hard to make her household a sustained one among others. She would be angry if they would abandon us while she was busy cutting grass to sell so that we can have food.

My mother had no friends and had a lot of things to share with us. she regarded us as active members of the society and I remember when I was helping her to wash the dishes just behind the round house (indlu). She told me that she would build us a four-room house, buy us a water tank and a lot of furniture. She was aware that we did not like to fetch water from the river but we had no choice. My mother was very strict. She loved me so much and provided food for us every day regardless of the situation.

Although her children were suffering, my mother would share our food with other needy households when we have it. She is a God-fearing woman that I know. ‘An Apply does not fall away from its tree’, her mother is also a church goer and a woman of prayer. She does not even touch your food if you did not pray for it ukubulela. I would hear her praying around Three o’clock in the morning praying and sometimes think that it is still the prayer that I slept when she was deep into, the night before.

My mother is always open to us about our family’s financial situation and my brothers are so understanding and supportive to her. If there is anything that my mother loves the most, it is to be with her children and have fun with them but she had to travel a lot. I remember traveling to the mines with my mother and my younger brother Simon to Karia in the North West province. We were visiting our father who was working in the town as a migrant worker. It was my first time to take a route by a taxi. I have been accompanying my father and turn back when he has taken a taxi. That morning was very exciting for me but my brothers were stressed because they would miss their beloved mother and babies that they stay with, but maybe it meant freedom. I would not think about what we were to experience in few days. My mother was very sad and worried. She pledged her love to my brothers and told them to behave. My mother would never let them stay alone if she had a way but unfortunately, she had to visit my father. I never enjoy being at egoli but at least my mother was there and I managed to make many friends.

My brothers were able to maintain our home so that when my mother comes back, she would not be angry. I mention it because stereotypes about children is that, they are not capable of maintaining any household. Looking at what my brothers were doing in the absence and presence of my parents, it shows that they have all abilities to maintain a household.

I would not my life to change and I was not ready, but I wouldn’t stop myself from growing. My parents used to warn us about the troubles that we would be into when we grow up and so I never feel ready to be grown. My family would tell me how terrible I would be hurt when I am a ‘men’ while I am injured and whatever pain would be reduced when I think about all the terrible accidents that would visit me when I grow as if it was compulsory to experience them.

My first day of school was full of troubles of all kinds. I shared a class with kids that were really diferent from me. I was lonely and being isolated from the rest of the class. Everyone refered to me as ‘lone’ this person. I would not care being lonely and isolated from the rest as long as I would be granted my freedom. A freedom to walk free and to keep my possesions and to express myself freely in the class, but that was not a case – I was denied all. I thought that it was just for one day, one week, one month or just one year but unfortunately it was going to be like that forever. I became a pray of every bully in the entire school.

I was not yet aware of all these fency terms like bullism and abuse. I would not be able to explain the challenges even if I would have to share it with someone. I avoided school and performed very poor as a result. I never finished any term of school because I would be threatened by conflits that arise against me. I was never happy at school because even my friends would have their kind of domination on me. I loved my friends and the comfort that they posesd legitimised their domination. I deserved a fair treatment and freedom but I was never free. The school labelled me as indlavini because of my silence when criminlised. To me, there was no hope that I would ever gain an identity and be able to create my own narrative. I could not even dream about being educated but I would keep remembering the career that my parents wished me to develop.

‘lomntwana ndifun’umenz’umabhalana’ I would sing this song at the time when I have dropped out of school from grade 4. I would sing this when looking after the goats and cattle in the far valleys, dongas and velds with my brothers. My friend Lumanyano would cry when visited me because I could not always be able to provide satisfaction as to why I am dropping out of school. I am greatful for this kind of friend because he had my interest at heart. He knew that everything would be temporary and endured all the critics that he gained for this act. I was always sad about where I was heading to. It was always painful to watch my friend being so stressed about my situation but I never care to show any appreciation for all the solidarity that I enjoyed. I enjoyed his visits almost everyday. We did many task together assigned to either him or my by the particular household. I could not understand why I was blessed into this extent that I have this amazing boy as my best friend.

Lumanyano advocated for almost all the days I spent at school when we were both students. I have just mentioned someone important now. This is the person who was always with me whether at home, on the street or at school. He became the only person that I would trust and speak to. At this point I was not able even to speak to a person that I loved, appreciated. A person that I regarded as the best from the entire world. I could not speak to him because I believed that I needed a further isolation. Although I would hide from the entire society, he would just see me when I am alone in the edge of the forest. He would see me when I am crying by the road. He would assure me of his love and support but I could not understand.

All was because of anger. The anger that I developed throughout my schooling time. This anger made me to push away my friend too, the only person who was prepared to go with me wherever I go. At this time, I would smile and hold his hand and fail to say anything. I loved and enjoyed every moment that I spent with my friend Lumanyano.

I had to after all abandone the school that I loved and knew for for rest of my life. I had to push my friend away and stop listening to him when pleading that I do not leave. It was painful and what was extremely painful was to realise that I have to say goodbye to my friend. I decided to hold my tears. It was not my first day to cry, but probably it was the first time for me to cry when I am looking to him. I knew how unfair I was, but I wanted to run away from the situation. I estimated that I would cry more often since then. I was not ready to perform any daily duty in separation from my friend. The person who have shared every moment with me. Maybe its because I did not enjoy anything that I did in his absence, true because he was the only person who was able to stop me from crying and maybe this ia because he knew my struggles and who I am more than anyone. I remember the days at which he would knock on my door when the pillow is literaly wet. I would suddenly stop crying and start conversations. This might be why I never forget about him, even when I was in another school.

I do not think it is possible to continue with my story at this point. The point just after I was accepted and admitted to another school to repeat my grade 4. Ofcouse I never stopped thinking about my friend. Someone that loved me unconditionally. I had it in my mind that I would never find a friend of this kind. He kept visiting me and being supportive but I pushed him further.

I will not be able to elaborate on the discussions around ‘General Bulelani Mvengenya’ but I would like you to find out about how this narrative has unfolded itself throughout his life until this point.  I would like to take you to the very miserable experience. This one is the one that has made me humble.  At this time of life, it is when I had to find out who is Bulelani and how I would like him to be out there. I chose to forgive everything and move forward to my life but the only person I owed something to was Lumanyano. I owed him an apology for disregarding his advices and rejecting him. When I became an inspirational leader myself and a successful student leader, I needed to acknowledge that he has played the role in my life. I hunted for this opportunity for a long time. I have been strugglying to reconcile with the person that was supposed to be angry against me. I expected him to hate me but I am greatful that this person has never changed. He is still kind, loving and caring and now we just make jokes about the difficult days that we had together.

This person is always my pilar of strength and provide comfort in all the struggles I encounter even though I am far away from him. This is not about him, it is about me but whenever I want to reflect on my life I need to think about the time I spent with this friend. This is the most painful time of my life yet it remains the most important to me. It is because I can remember this far about myself. I am an inspiring leader and a motivational speaker and a social justice activist. I cannot tell people about anything on earth other than myself but I hoped that someone out there knows me but I always find that this person is Lumanyano.

I always laugh when he interprets my behaviour over the phone and when we sing the songs that we sang back then. It is really fun to learn how my friend understandseven the music that we listened to.

I never thaught I would write any article about the time that I spent with my friend but because of the fact that I never leave this part out in all the interviews that I responded to. It is the reality of my life and I am greatful to write this article at the time at which I can speak with you directly. The most message to you Jimmy Lumanyano Gladile is the one of love and appreciation. I would not be able to forgive myself if I wouldn’t be able to find you just to convey this message.